Little Girl on a Plane: Joke of the Day

A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the
Airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,
'Let's talk. I've heard that flights go quicker if you
Strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.'

The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed
It slowly and said to the stranger, 'What would you
Like to talk about?'

'Oh, I don't know,' said the stranger. 'How about
Nuclear power?' and he smiles.

OK, ' she said. 'That could be an interesting topic.
But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow,
And a deer all eat the same stuff - grass - . Yet a
Deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a
Flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried
Grass. Why do you suppose that is?'

The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl's
Intelligence, thinks about it and says, 'Hmmm, I have
No idea.'

To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel
Qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know
Shit?

Guts and Balls: What's the Difference?

There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard
about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference
between them?

In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:

GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met
by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still
cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'

BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of
perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the
butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'

I hope this clears up any confusion on the definitions.

Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.

Both result in death.

Fuck college. Pick up this handy book on life.

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You know one of those jokes that are wrong but hilarious?

Did you hear about Ku Klux Kneival?

He tried to jump 50 niggers with a bulldozer.


I know its wrong, but its so damn ridiculous it funny.

Kidnap

What is the difference between a dumpster full of dead babies and new convertible Ford mustang?

I don't have a Ford mustang in my garage!

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FUCK PETA!

I realized that by sharing this I basically help spread the message that PETA is trying to give, but hopefully I will frame it a little better than they have.

I fucking hate PETA, and the people who are all "Love the Animals." Well, fuck them too. Did we fall asleep in society and wake up in a fictional word with cute and cuddly animals that talk with celebrity voices. No! Disney has painted a cartoon version of a reality that does NOT exist. And every fucking I turn around the new agenda seems to be to save the animals. Fuck them.

Like, those videos about the integrate workings of a slature house. People watch those and are horrified. Well, what the fuck did you think was happening? Does some guy stomp on the heads of cows while giggling with frenzy? Probably. But isn't it better the cow vice someone's child. if some sick fuck wants to do that for a living, then be my quest.

This kind of shit makes me want some fucking chicken nuggets. Really. I feel like having a 4pc. from KFC. Because at the end of the day, do I really give a shit about cow and chickens? It's not like they provide any significant importance to our society.

But what dogs? Hey, I love dogs and no I don't to eat them. But at least a dog is mans best friends. But what about cat. Well, fuck cats. I don't care for them. Okay, maybe I do think kittens are cute. But at least they are cute.

Cow's are never cute. Well only in Disney films, but that (may I remind you) is fictional and doesn't exist. Cow's are good for tipping, killing, and eating. And I fuckin' love hamburgers!

And by the way our President is a fucking ninja.



But, I don't want the PETA thing to disappear completely. Any organization that is encouraging celebrities to show off more skin needs to consider sponsorship from the US government.

Driving in the wintertime

Have you ever noticed that when weather conditions change that people loose brain cells? I have and since I live in the great state of Utah I see snow, ice and rain. Lets see your state match that! Now on to my rant: How do people forget how to drive when it starts raining or snowing? Better yet how do drunk drivers not get caught before I see them driving? I wish I had a light bar in my truck to make a citizen's arrest, that or the dumb asshole would try to out-run me and flip his car into some snow bank. Though there are many drunk assholes there are even more idiots not driving drunk. Can we not come to a general consensus on speed limits while driving? Either the fuck bag in front of me is going 20mph or the jack off in the next lane is training for Nascar. Drive the speed limit or drive 5-10 under! If you don't feel safe driving then DO Not Leave your fuckin' house! That solves half of the problem now here is part two: don't drive like an asshole if you decide it is worthwhile to risk your life. Why drive 80 in a 55 while there is snow coming down so heavy that you feel like you entered light speed? Not only that how do you find the challenge of weaving between near parked cars on an enclosed ice rink appealing? Don't drive! Also those assholes who drive giant gas guzzling rigs: just because you drive a 4wd doesn't mean you can't die! I might aim for your back tire and see just how well you can steer that giant top heavy boat in extreme pressure situations. Also please reduce you distractions. Most states are outlawing cellphone use without hands-free devices. There is a reason for that. Ever driven home in a canyon that is so fucked that you can't drive over 25 mph? Now factor in that you are driving a 4wd Ford Bronco and you'll understand how fucked the road is. A lady decides that you aren't going fast enough and decides to drive you off the road while talking on her cellphone, oh and she fails to see you exist because her conversation is that important! She didn't run you off the road because she was driving a big vehicle, she did it because you hesitated and chose to spare a human life. Fuck that! People that drive like assholes should be forced to drive Pinto Hatchbacks loaded with dynamite! Maybe they'll learn common decency or driving skills, more likely they will become extinct faster than the dodo bird.
Merry Christmas and hey, see you on the road!